Chapter 60

Jenn

Sitting at my desk at work, my mind went to Aubrey for some reason. I turned around in my chair to look at the clock on the wall and see that it was only 2:30 in the afternoon. It was almost time for my lunch break, but I wasn’t really in the mood for food. What I wanted was her, right here on my face in my office. I leaned across the desk to my phone and pressed the number 1 to dial my secretary Linda’s phone; who was right outside of my office.

“Yes, Ms. Daniels.” She spoke pleasantly.

“Hold all my calls for the rest of the afternoon, please. I may be stepping out for lunch today. Or staying in. Either way, no interruptions.”

“Will do. Can I assist with anything else at the moment?”

Linda asked.

“Actually, no.” I grinned at what I was about to say, but decided against it. I didn’t need another sexual harrassment suit, although the other one was thrown out in court. Still.

“Okay, I’m holding all your calls from this moment on.”

“Thank you.”

I said, hanging up the phone line.

I grabbed my cell phone from inside of the top drawer of my desk and went to Aubrey’s nickname to dial her number. I let it ring and ring until finally she picked up and answered.

“Jenn Daniels. Ha. To what do I owe the pleasure?” Aubrey said sarcastically.

“What’s the matter Aubrey? I thought we had a good time that last time. So good in fact, I was hoping you’d join me for lunch today. Courtesy of your pussy on my face.” I chuckled, smiling at my comment.

“You know I thought we had a good time too and as much as I’d love to take you up on that offer there’s just one itsy bitsy problem with that.”

“Okay, well let’s solve it. Tell me. Anything.” I assured her, propping my feet up on the desk.

Aubrey got quiet before she sighed and spoke into the phone again, “There’s this girl right. I mean she’s sexy as shit. Face of a model and a body that will make you break your neck.”

“Sounds like you. What’s the problem?”

I was puzzled.

“Oh see the only problem is.. .” Aubrey laughed lightly, “That you’re fucking my best friend.” She sucked her teeth at me.

I couldn’t help myself from laughing uncontrollably. I could tell it irritated Aubrey when she said “Goodbye Jenn.”

“No no no wait, Aubrey. Just wait. I hear what you’re saying, but I’m failing to see the problem in this equation. I mean, what’s her name anyway? Pardon my having to ask, afterall I am a free agent.”

“Wow. I wonder how many other people you’re fucking too.”

She stated boldly. Aubrey, little did she know, had very little room to be pointing fingers right now.

“None of your business.” I laughed. “Like I asked, what’s her name?” I repeated my initial question.

“Trisha.” She spat out suddenly.

“Ohhh Trisha. Mmm mm, Trisha. Aubrey baby, do you not see the great in this? Have you ever had a threesome?” I asked seriously.

“You’re one sick cookie, Jenn. No I haven’t and I’m not about to have one with you and my best friend. So you can wipe that fucking disgusting smirk you’re probably wearing on your face right now, right off.”

“Okay okay. It was worth a try though. But still, I don’t get why that bothers you. I’m a grown ass woman with needs. And it’s not like I knew you two were friends. Neither of you ever mentioned the other until just now. So excuse me, if I don’t see how any of this is my fault.”

I slid my feet off of my desk, standing up from my chair.

“Whatever Jenn. Of course you don’t. Anyway, go enjoy your lunch, not courtesy of me or any of my body parts. And don’t bother with Trisha either, because neither one of us will be using your services any longer.” She huffed at me.

I still laughed at how cute and naive she was. She must have really believed her own lies that she was spewing right now. If Aubrey was done with me, I’d somewhat believe that. But there was no way she could convince me that Trisha was done, I’d have to hear it from the horses mouth myself.

“Okay if you believe so. I’ll be talking to ya, Aubrey. You have a good day, okay?” I spoke to her as if she were a child. To me, that’s how she was acting right now.

I hung up the phone and immediately went to Trisha’s name in my phone and pressed call. When she picked up, I didn’t get the same vibe that I got from Aubrey.

“Trisha baby. What do you say to lunch, on me. Literally.” I smirked, awaiting her response.

—-

Jay

I was just getting into my car from leaving work, closing the car door behind me and turning my phone back on. As soon as I did, it beeped letting me know that I had a voicemail. I pressed it to play it and put to my ear.

You have a voicemail message from,

“Aubrey”. I heard her voice and it made me feel some kind of way. I waited to hear her voicemail after that.

Jay, it’s me. Look, I really need to talk to you and see you. Call me when you’re off so I can come by. If that’s cool with you, that is. Bye.

The voicemail ended and it gave me the option to delete it or save it. I deleted it, I didn’t need a constant reminder on my phone of someone I could never have.

Since Dray got out from jail, shit between Aubrey and I have been on the rocks really. I wanted to give into her so bad, but I just couldn’t. I had put myself out there for her, even though I knew the possible outcome, I just thought that the time we shared meant more to her than it obviously did. The minute she got Dray out of there, it was like everything we had started to build came crashing down on my heart. That’s just how I felt, heartbroken. I know I hadn’t known her for long, but that didn’t even matter to me. The time we spent and the bond we started to form was stronger than anybody around us could really fathom. Aubrey did something to me, some voodoo like shit that no other girl had ever been able to do, not even my ex that I was madly in love with. I didn’t dare say the L word to her, but what I felt for her was pretty fucking close. I had kept my distance despite her many attempts to see me, but it was all on her time. A lot of the times she would want to be meet up would be way after hours and I already figured that meant that she wasn’t around Dray. Shit was fucked up and just not fair to me at all, and if I was going to see her today, there was so much I had to say to her and I’d rather it be face to face.

I pressed her name in my favorites and called her back. I breathed in and out slowly, listening to it ring in my ear before she picked up.

“Jay.” Aubrey spoke my name almost in a whisper.

“Yeah, I’m here.” I replied dryly.

“So can I come by and see you?”

“Do you need to get permission?” I asked with a hint of sarcasm.

“Don’t be like that babe. Please? I just want to see you. I miss you more than you fuckin’ know.” She admitted freely.

I’m assuming Dray wasn’t around her. “Okay. You wanna meet me at my place?” I asked her.

“Yes. Leave now?”

“Yeah, that’s cool. I’ll see you there ba—, Aubrey.”

I caught myself before I called her babe.

“O-kay.” She said slowly; she sounded sad.

I ended the phone call and sat my phone in my lap, pulling out of my jobs parking lot finally. I took my time getting home, the longer it took me to get there meant the longer it would take before I had to stare her in her beautiful eyes and give her the chance to get to my heart again. My mind raced the entire way home with ways that I could stand my ground and not give into her advances. I wanted Aubrey so bad but I knew if I let her win this round, then in any future we could possibly have together, she’d always win. I had too much pride to let that go down, I had already given her much more than I should have. She needed to understand that I put my heart on the line with her, I put that shit right in her hands and she toyed with it. I shook my head at how hurt I really was over this and really hearing her voice over the phone sent my thoughts into over drive.

I got home and saw that she wasn’t there yet. I got in the shower so I could get comfortable and be somewhat relaxed before she got here. Once I got out of the shower after about 20 minutes, I dried myself off and quickly and slipped into some boxers and a sports bra. On top of that I put on some basketball shorts and a black short sleeved shirt, spraying myself with a little cologne and pulled my hair back into a curly ponytail. I walked out of my room and into my living room, running my hands over my face. I heard her knock at the door and I walked over to it and twisted the knob, opening it up for her. She stood there with a half smile plastered on her face before she walked in and let me close it behind her.

We both stood there, staring at each other wondering who was going to make the first move. I damn sure wasn’t. She wrapped her arms around my neck slowly at first, but when she felt me wrap mine around her waist, she laid her head against my chest. I could hear her breathing my scent in deeply and kissing the side of my neck softly. Her lips on my skin made me shiver literally, and my hands glided down her body some automatically to her ass, just like they would before. I caught myself and slid them back up some resting right above her ass, as she pulled me in closer to her, her body pressed against mine.

Feeling her body heat rising off of her and against me I whispered in her ear, “Not gonna lie, I missed the shit out of you.”

Aubrey nodded against me and mumbled back to me, “I missed you and this more.” She held onto me like she would never hold me again.

Finally she dropped her arms from around me after holding me for about 5 minutes. I let go too and asked her did she want something to drink.

“No, I’m good. Can we talk?” She asked, looking up at me. Her green eyes locked with mine and I melted.

I nodded my head to her as I motioned for her to walk to my room and I followed her in there. Once inside she walked slowly over to my bed with her hands tucked in the pockets of her tightly fitted skirt. My eyes went to her ass instantly as I licked my lips slowly before she turned her body around and plopped down on my bed. She pat the empty spot next to her as I walked over to my bed and occupied that spot. She shifted her body to face me more and sat her legs across my lap, sliding them down between my legs, resting them there. I put my hand on her thigh, half making eye contact with her.

“So what’s been going on?” I asked.

“Everything and nothing.” She began to explain. “I have to tell you something.”

“Go ‘head.”

I cleared my throat.

“First, can I have a kiss?” She pouted, giving me the eyes.

I chuckled a little, “Work for it.” I teased her.

Aubrey wasted no time, leaning into my face and lingering her lips over mine. Her breath against my lips was tempting me as she closed her eyes and pressed her lips against mine. I instantly kissed her back, putting my hand behind her neck and pulling her into me closer. As much as I wanted to resist her, right now I couldn’t. Her soft lips against mine, moving so slowly and sucking on my bottom lip the way she was; I couldn’t say no to this. I was weak for this girl still and it was apparent in the way I was kissing her back. Our lips danced with each other for a little while, before I pulled away trying to keep things from carrying on further.

“Wait wait wait. Say what you were going to say.” I spoke against her lips.

She pecked my bottom lip lightly, exhaling as she pulled a good distance away from my face. Atleast far enough where I wasn’t so tempted to suck her face off.

“Oh. Yeah.” That brought her back to her original thoughts. “I told Dray everything. I mean everything.”

My eyes went a little wide when she said that as I cocked my eyebrow at her. “Everything?” I asked back.

“Everything. Even down to the part about me feeling some kind of way about you.” She looked away shyly.

I grabbed her face gently, bringing her back to me. “Be more specific.” I stated.

“What do you want me to say?” Aubrey asked me, pretending to be confused. Neither of us were ready to cross that bridge that separated like, lust and love.

“I want you to tell me what you feel. I need to hear how you feel.” I pleaded with her with my eyes. I slid my arm around her naturally.

“Promise me after I tell you this, we can pick up where we left off.”

“I can’t promise you no shit like that, ma. Like do you understand what I’ve been going through these past two months? Do you know what it’s been like for me to not hold you? To not feel you? Not to kiss you? Not waking up to you?”

I was raising my voice without even noticing it. I hadn’t been able to truly tell her how I felt. To tell her how she left me to figure out if her relationship was worth working out.

“I’m sorry baby. I truly am. I never meant to just leave you out there like that…” Her voice trailed off, as her eyes began to water up.

I didn’t want to watch her cry. That was not my intentions. But for once in Aubrey’s life she was going to have to take some kind of responsibility for her actions. If I had to be her disciplinarian, I would be that for her. But first I had to fight with my struggle to console her and give into her. That was the battle I imagine anyone that’s ever loved her had to deal with. It was the price they paid for allowing their heart to feel and beat for her. The price I guess we all paid for her love. She was so goddamn enticing and intoxicating, I was holding onto the last bit of me that was saying ‘No jay, just stay strong. Don’t give in.’

“I know you are. But Aubrey..”

She grabbed my face in her hands and kissed me deeply, cutting me off in mid sentence. I felt drunk as my lips did their own thing, before I knew it my tongue was inside her mouth searching for hers, finding it. I sucked her tongue slowly, feeling my blood rushing to my head and wanting to just make love to her. I didn’t even want to talk anymore, I just wanted to make sweet love to her and forget these last two months. I wanted to forget them and forgive Aubrey. I wanted to so bad but my thoughts brought me back to reality, back to my room where we were. I pulled away from her suddenly, biting my bottom lip hard. She looked at me like she was reading my mind, still holding my face in her hands.

“I love you.” Aubrey spoke softly in almost a whisper.

“You what?” I thought I misheard her.

“I love you, Jamie.”

I was in awe. She said the words first, but what fucked me up the most inside is why did it have to happen like this? Why did it take her leaving me strung out there, fiending for her while she tested the waters with Dray? I had so many thoughts running through my head, I felt dizzy.

“No no no. Don’t say that shit to me now.” My heart was racing in my chest, and the tears started trickling down my cheeks, uncontrollably.

“Baby why are you crying?” She asked me, her lip trembling.

“‘Cause! I fuckin’ love you too, Aubrey. I fuckin’ love you and this shit is just so fucked up. No matter how much I wanna kiss you right now, hold you, make love to you, tell you everything is going to be fine.. I know I can’t and I know it’s not.” I sniffed hard and wiped my face and eyes preventing anymore tears from falling.

“Why Jay? Why can’t it just be? I know who I want to be with now. You. It’s you I want to be with baby.” Tears were now streaming down her face as she spoke.

“And I wanted to be with you. I really did babe. I wanted to give you all of me.” I wiped my eyes again, shaking my head.

“So give me all of you. Who said you can’t?” She mumbled her words slightly through her crying. She was genuinely lost about what I was saying. I couldn’t even blame her, she had always gotten her way. I needed her to know that this time was different. I had feelings too.

“Me. That’s who.” I straightened myself up. “Aubrey, you do realize I bleed and feel just like you right? Do you know how I felt when you kicked me to the curb to figure your shit out with Dray? For months Aubrey, MONTHS! I’ve been there for you, showing you that there was more to love than what you’d known. I was by your side when she wasn’t. I never did you dirty. Do you know how I felt when she gets out and you go running back like I just didn’t exist? Like everything I did didn’t matter.” I shook my head, never taking my eyes off of hers.

“I didn’t go running back though, Jay. I swear. I just needed to make sure that this was where I belonged. And now I know. I’m ready baby. I’m so fucking ready.. just be with me.” She was begging me now, pleading with me as her tears continued to fall.

It killed me to see her breaking down like this, but what could I do? I had to let her suffer the consequences. I knew when she left, I was going to break down the same way she was doing before me right now.

“The thing is though, Aubrey baby.. I already knew where I wanted to be. It just hurts that you needed to make sure I was where you wanted to be.You really don’t see how that affected me?” I asked her, wiping her tears from her face with my thumbs.

She nodded to me, looking away. “I do. I never meant to hurt you Jay, I hope you know that.”

I lifted her chin and brought her back to face me. “I know you didn’t. And I’m not abandoning you, ever. It’s just that right now, there can’t be an us. I’ll never say never to you, but I will say not now.” I breathed in deeply and exhaled just the same, trying to keep myself together. I didn’t see this being this hard. But I guess going against your strongest feelings was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I’ve never been involved with a woman of Aubrey’s calibur before and I never would again. It’d have to be her, and only her.

“Do you understand what I’m saying to you?” I asked her, my voice low.

“Right now? No. I guess because I want you so bad, but I hope that in time I will. Sooner than later, I mean.” She sighed, wiping the last tears away that fell down her face.

I slid her legs off of mine slowly and stood up from the bed. Without even having to grab her and help her up, Aubrey already knew what time it was. I didn’t want to do this, I had to do this. Whatever types of games she was used to playing, I had to show her right now that I wasn’t like Dray or none of them niggas she was used to.

I watched her stand up from the bed and straighten out her skirt, fidgeting with her fingernails nervously. She looked up at me hesitantly, nibbling on her bottom lip cutely. “Is this the last time I’m going to see you? Tell me the truth.”

I chuckled a little, “I hope not. And don’t I always tell you the truth?” I reached my arm out to her, grabbing her and hugging her close to my body. Her head fell against my shoulder and I felt her body begin to shake slightly like she started crying again. I looked down at her and sighed. “Please don’t cry love. I will always be here for you. Nothings changed.”

She licked the tears from her lips, shaking her head repeatedly. Without looking up at me she spoke softly, “Everythings changed. I don’t have you. I don’t have Dray. I have nobody…” Her voice trailed off and it seemed as if she got lost in those thoughts.

“You may not have me how you wanted to have me, but you have me.” I squeezed her tightly once more before pulling away from her altogther.

I needed to get her out of here before I caved in and watching somebody I loved like this, just crying in front of me, I couldn’t do it. I knew that her tears were not because of me, but she didn’t see it that way. I knew that I had paid the price for loving somebody like Aubrey, but now she had to pay the price for taking me for granted and thinking that just because I was there, I’d never leave. Without even noticing it, she treated me the same way Dray always treated her, like she was going to always be there no matter what. Who knows, maybe in the future Aubrey and I could be together the right way. But for now, I had to go forth with my life and not concern myself with Aubrey’s feelings right now, but worry about my own. Truth be told she needed to do the same, but I know as stubborn as she is, this was not going to be a pleasant trip for either of us. I had to do it though, if I never did, I’d always be looking back and thinking about how I let her make me the second option; that was unacceptable in my book. Baddest female on earth or not, I still had my self esteem and I knew my worth. All I prayed was for her to finally realize hers and if that meant her being with someone else and not me, I loved her enough to be okay with that. At the end of the day to me, when you love someone you want them to be happy and be treated like a Queen whether that’s with or without you.

I walked with her out of my room and to the front door. It was already dark outside, I didn’t even realize that we had been in my room for that long. Before she left she turned around to face me and look in my eyes. She sniffled hard and spoke finally, “I just want to memorize your face.” She gave me a weak smile after she said that.

“Aubrey, you will see me. You will. Just gimme some time to get my shit together, okay?” I nodded at her and she nodded back at me. I leaned in and kissed her forehead softly, with my lips lingering there for awhile before I pulled away. Aubrey kissed her fingertips and pressed them to my lips. I kissed her fingertips back and smiled at her.

I didn’t know if what I was doing was really the right thing, even if it hurt like hell, it felt like I was doing what was right.

Before she walked out the door, she pointed to her eye, made a heart over her own and pointed to me, all while mouthing it. That shit almost made me lose it, but I did it back to her, clenching my jaw and holding back tears. She patted my cheek softly and turned for the door as I stood in my doorway watching her go. Once she was in her car, she started it up and pulled out of my driveway slowly. I watched as she drove off down the street before I closed the door and locked it. I told myself I was going to keep it together as I continuously reminded myself that I was doing what I needed to do. Even with that conscious in my mind, it still didn’t make me feel any better. I walked back into my room and sat on my bed roughly, my head in my hands before the tears started trickling down between my fingers.